Tuesday, November 17, 2009

WWE RAW 11/16/09 - John Cena & Undertaker vs DX vs Chris Jericho & Big Show

“Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event…”

-Hosted by Michael Cole & Jerry "The King" Lawler

-Roddy Piper welcomes us from Piper's Pit along with actor Luis Guzman. He has a guest for Guzman as he is a chef, and introduces the Iron Chef Bobby Flay. Instead we get the Iron Sheik, who goes on a profanity free Sheik rant on Hulk Hogan. We finish up with a LIVE FROM NEW YORK ITS MONDAY NIGHT!

-The set for tonight's show is more along the lines of the MSG pay per views rather than the standard Raw set.

WWE United States Championship: The Miz © vs. Montel Vontavious Porter

Miz cuts a promo on the Yankees saying they didn't earn their championship, but rather bought it and that's why everyone hates New Yorkers and their sports franchises. This is going to turn him face in every other city in the US. He says he didn't have to buy his US Title, but rather he earned it. He says right now he's going to prove it, because Roddy Piper is making him defend the title tonight. MVP of course comes out wearing a Yankee hat, and gives it to Sherri Sheppard who is seated in the front row. Miz attacks quickly with a flurry of strikes in the corner before being pulled off by the referee in the corner. Miz misses a charge in the corner, and gets hit with a clothesline from MVP. MVP follows up with a bodyslam and hiptoss causing Miz to bail to the floor. MVP heads outside after him meeting him with a right hand, and throwing him back inside. Miz catches MVP heading back inside with a kick to the knee sending him back to the floor. Miz goes out after him driving the back of MVP's head into railing, and firing him back inside for the two count. Miz locks in a rear chinlock, but MVP comes out that and delivers a flapjack. Clothesline and back elbow from MVP connects, and he follows with a facebuster. That sets up the ballin' elbow which connects. MVP goes for the playmaker, but Miz reverses out of it. MVP hits a running big boot for a two count, but Miz comes back with a back elbow. Miz catches MVP in the corner delivering a boot to the gut, and the Skull Crushing Finale finishes at 3:46. Way too short, but very good for the time it got. MVP's stock continues to crash.
Winner: STILL WWE United States Champion-The Miz (Pinfall-Skull Crushing Finale **1/4)

Chavo Guerrero vs. Santino Marella

Santino keeps up the theme of the night wearing a Rangers jersey to the ring. He takes off the Rangers sweater to reveal an Eli Manning jersey underneath. Next up a Knicks jersey, and then a Mark Sanchez jersey. Next up Santino reveals a Johan Santana jersey, and finally SWERVE a Phillies jersey. The crowd boos that, so last but not least it's a Yankees jersey. The Islanders are forgotten again. Chavo finally has had enough of these sheannigans, and delivers the three amigos to Santino. Chavo goes to the top rope for the Frog Splash, so Santino rolls across the ring. They repeat that spot two more times, and now here's Hornswoggle. He distracts Chavo long enough for Santino get a rollup victory at 2:48. I see what they were going for, but it misfired big time.
Winner: Santino Marella (Pinfall-Rollup -**)

-DX are out now, and HHH starts by sucking up to the New Yorkers a little bit. HHH says they wanted to come out and do their normal schtick, but unfortunately it's not going to happen. Shawn says it's true, they're not going to let us know that on wweshop.com their book is available right now. HHH points them in the direction of a Borders book store adjacent to the building. HHH says instead they're going to talk about the triple threat match this Sunday. HHH says they've heard what Cena said about them turning on each other, but it's not going to happen. HHH says they're on the same page, and they're going to work together as a unit. He says it doesn't matter which one of them it is, as long as the belts are in DX. Shawn says it's not like they're going to compete with each other, as they surely will but you can't tear DX apart. Shawn says he has more important business to attend to, and that's a member of the Leprechaun community. HHH calls out Hornswoggle, and says this is America and even little people can live their dream. He says if Swoggle comes out now they'll consider allowing him in DX. Swoggle happily jumps in the ring with them, and crotch chops his way around the ring until HHH orders him to stop. HHH says if he wants to be in DX he has to get in line, and he asks if he's ready. That leads to the whole "Are You Ready?" spiel from Hunter, but he cuts it short and instead PEDIGREES HORNSWOGGLE. Crowd pleaded with HHH to do it, and then popped anyway which I'm not sure was the desired reaction. Shawn pulls a little stretcher out from under the ring, and carries the little guy away.

-Cool video package on MSG prominently featuring some of the great moments in the arena's history. No hiding from current TNA stars Hogan, Foley, and Angle either.

-Roddy Piper is still hanging out in Piper's Pit with the obligatory coconuts, before he is interrupted by Chris Jericho. Jericho starts complaining about the disrespect to him, but Piper just blows his nose in his face and says he's got something special for Jericho. He finds "Big Chris" (Masters) because he was so impressed by his dancing mobs two weeks. This week Masters does the pec flex to "Boom Boom Boom" by the Black Eyed Peas which impresses the Bellas and disgusts Jericho. This show is absurdly random tonight, but in a really good way thus far.

-"The Greatest Athlete in the World" Judah Friedlander from 30 Rock is out as guest ring announcer next, as this show continues to get more strange

WWE Diva's Championship Lumberjill Match: Melina © vs. Alicia Fox
The Lumberjills are the other eight competitors in the Survivor Series tag on Sunday. Melina fires Alicia outside, but she gets right back inside to avoid the wrath of the face divas only to get rolled up. Melina gets thrown out next where she is attacked by the heel divas before thrown back inside. Melina comes back hitting a flap jack on Alicia which is followed by a pair of clotheslines. Melina charges into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker from Alicia which gets two, but Melina is right back with the Last Call which finishes at 1:38. After the match McCool attacks Melina from behind, but the face divas come to the rescue leading to a big pull apart brawl won by the good girls. Complete waste of time.
Winner: STILL WWE Diva's Champion: Melina (Pinfall-Last Call ¼*)

-Roddy Piper comes out as Michael Cole gets ANOTHER Hulk Hogan mention in. This can't be by accident. Piper thanks the fans, and says he made his career on not being so nice. He says only New Yorkers would put up with that. He says he didn't do everything right, and he had some embarrassing moments right here in the ring. Piper says he took on Captain Lou, Bruno Sammartino, Andre The Giant, Hulk Hogan (there's another one), and he says this is proof that if you mess with Hot Rod you're either going to be bald or dead. He says he loves them all, but mostly the dead ones. He then claims he's the reason Hogan has no hair. Piper says he did some unspeakable things, and loved every minute of it, but he has one more dirty deed before he checks out. He wants one more match with Vincent Kennedy McMahon. He says he knows Vince is a big fan of his, because when he did Real Sports with Bryant Gumble Vince fired him right here in this building. He says he knows Vince is back there, and that finally brings out the chairman. Vince exposes Piper's hair dye, and says he would suggest Piper did some awful things at MSG. He says the most heinous thing he ever did at MSG was show up here tonight. Vince says Mother Nature hasn't been too kind to Hot Rod, and asks when the last time he had his 100,000 mile checkup was. He says Piper still has the same skinny arms and legs, and his catcher's mit face. He says if he soiled his hands with Hot Rod his father and grandfather would be ashamed of him. Piper says there are plenty of things for us to be ashamed of Vince namely the suit that Mr. Gotti bought for him. Vince calls Piper "father time" and then says people tell him all the time they wish they could look as good as him when they're his age. He always responds they don't look better than him now, and that also applies to all of the superstars he's stepped in the ring with and beaten. He says unless he finds better competition he is officially retired from ring action. Piper says that's all the games he's going to play with him. He calls Vince a coward, and says he's been in 7,000 car crashes and 30 pro wrestling matches. He then says to reverse it around, and says he's not sane, he's been electrocuted, been in plane crashes, and has had cancer. He beat that, and he can beat Vince. He says for Vince to be accountable to the people who made him a billionaire. He says doesn't want this on pay per view, but instead he wants to do it tonight. He tells Vince he'll be back out tonight if Vince has the guts he'll retire him for good.

-Sheamus says he's been on Raw on for four weeks, and he's already put one man out of the business. Tonight he's issuing an open challenge to anyone who has the guts to step in the ring with the Celtic Warrior. No one answers so he attacks the timekeeper randomly, and throws him across the announce table into the guardrail. That leads to what looks like the obligatory Jerry Lawler save, but it appears Sheamus has seen this episode before because he gives Lawler the big boot as soon as he stands up. Cole goes off mic to check on Lawler along with a host of officials and trainers.

-Matt Striker replaces Lawler (best trade up in history) as he "lives in New York City and was hear for the show"

-It should be noted we're closing in on 90 minutes in and we've had 8:12 of wrestling tonight. TNA Impact thinks that's bad.

Evan Bourne vs. Jack Swagger

Joined in progress out of the break with Bourne locked in a waistlock from Swagger. Bourne back elbows free, but Swagger delivers a clothesline to regain control. Swagger goes for a suplex, but Bourne knees his was into a counter and a rollup for two. Bourne hits a dropkick sending Swagger to the corner, and then delivers the double knee off the top rope for a two count. Bourne goes for a moonsault but gets caught by Swagger who drives him into both turnbuckles. Gutwrench powerbomb finishes for Swagger at 2:00. Much like all the wrestling tonight, far too short.
Winner: Jack Swagger (Pinfall-Gutwrench Powerbomb *1/2)

-Roddy Piper awaits Mr. McMahon in the ring, but instead he is interrupted by Randy Orton. I knew something was missing tonight. Orton says he doesn't know if McMahon is coming out here or not, but he does know that Piper has a big problem because he is here. Orton says he can't think of a better way to relieve a little stress than to put him down right now. He attacks Piper with a kick to the gut, but Piper fights back with a cheap shot. That only serves to incense Orton who stomps Piper down. Piper who has apparently not watched much of Orton climbs to his knees, so Orton sets up for the punt. Orton goes to punt Piper, and the he has to stop as it appears that the sound guy missed the cue! EPIC TRAINWRECK. Kofi's music clearly starts AFTER Orton stops charging, and Orton even appears to visibly throw his hands up in the air in disgust as Kofi finally gets to the ring. That leads to a big brawl between Orton and Kingston which Orton gets the best of. Orton decides to set up Kofi for the punt, but Kofi explodes with a flying clothesline to go on the comeback trail. The brawl continues through the crowd, until FINALLY officials are out to break them up. The officials can't keep them apart though as Kofi chases Orton into the bleachers and dumps him over the railing into the production area. Kofi finally blasts Orton with a steel lid for the technical trunks busting Orton open. Kofi then tries to dive off the railing onto Orton, but officials pull him off. That's only temporary though as Kofi returns to deliver the boom drop off the guardrail through a production table to Orton. Horrible botch on the Piper Punt aside, everything after Kofi got to the ring was gold. Great segment.

John Cena is backstage. He cuts a promo on New York and the main event. He tries to be like The Rock. Sorry John, you're not him. Good try though. Cena says 'Taker is not easy to talk to. He thought he was dead. Really? A production assistant shows up and hands him a piece of paper. WWE Survivor Series in a Triple Threat Match. We know this John. He says he's ready. He'll win at Survivor Series. Yadda Yadda Yadda.

Chris Jericho & Big Show vs. DX vs. John Cena & The Undertaker

The WWE Unified Tag Team Champions Big Show & Chris Jericho make their way to the ring first and we take a commercial break as they enter. Back from the break and DX makes their way to the ring at 11:01. John Cena's music hits next and out comes the WWE Champion. Cena rushes the ring to a nice pop. The lights go out and druids come out holding torches. The crowd starts chanting for Undertaker. The bell tolls, the crowd pops and The World Heavyweight Champion begins his entrance. Taker enters the ring and stares down DX as we get ready to start the match.

The bell rings and Cena starts out with Jericho. Cena shoves Jericho to the mat and he tags in Big Show. Triple H comes in the ring to talk smack to Show. Cena tags in Undertaker. Triple H and Taker come face to face in the ring. They both turn and attack Big Show with right hands. Taker clotheslines Show over the rope to the floor. Taker rocks Triple H in the corner with right hands and drops him. Triple H catches Taker with a big spinebuster and tags in HBK. Taker sits up like he always does.

Taker swings but HBK ducks and hits him with chops. Taker tries to toss HBK over the ropes but he hangs on. Taker turns around to a spear from Big Show. Show tags in Jericho after laying out HBK. Jericho comes in and bulldogs HBK. He goes for the Lionsault but HBK counters. Jericho locks on the Walls of Jericho but Taker grabs him by the throat. Cena tags Taker out and bulldogs Jericho. Cena turns around to a big shot from HBK. Triple H comes in and goes at it with Jericho. Cena drops Jericho with a side slam and comes face to face with Triple H. Triple H crotch chops Cena and they trade blows. Show comes in and chokeslams them both. Taker comes in and rocks Show with rights before hitting the flying clothesline. Taker dumps Show back to the floor and goes out after him.

Show reverses a throw and tosses Taker into the fan barrier. In the ring, Cena gets a 2 count. Triple H tags in HBK. HBK goes at it with Jericho and hits a flying forearm and atomic drop. HBK with a scoop slam before going to the top rope and nailing the elbow drop. HBK gets ready for Sweet Chin Music but Cena ducks it and knocks HBK down with forearms and the big slam. Cena goes for the Attitude Adjuster but Triple H had tagged himself in. Triple H with the high knee and knee to the face on Cena. Triple H takes Jericho down and nails the spinebuster on Cena. Triple H goes for the Pedigree but Show comes in with a headbutt. Show turns around to Sweet Chin Music from HBK. Jericho hits the Codebreaker on HBK. Jericho turns around to a big chokeslam from Undertaker. Triple H gets up and clotheslines Taker to the floor. Cena nails the Attitude Adjuster on Triple H for the pinfall and the win.

Winners: John Cena and The Undertaker

- After the match, Cena starts celebrating when The Undertaker comes in and lays him out with the Tombstone. Taker poses in the ring with his belt as his music plays and RAW goes off the air.